Exorsexist Bullshit

Ok, so most of these things haven’t been frequently asked, but it’s good to have a place where people can go and see if something is appropriate for this blog.

1. What is exorsexism?

It’s the belief that nonbinary people don’t exist/aren’t valid/shouldn’t be taken into account.

It’s the system that makes people believe there are and there have always been two genders, that those genders are opposites and can’t be experienced together, that gender needs to have only easy to understand categories (such as a slider between male and female), that genders affected by something (intersexuality, neurodivergence, trauma, etc.) are fake and should be ignored, that one should always gender people (or even other things) as male or female and that nonbinary people aren’t nonbinary enough if they don’t break off this impossible standard. And so on.

2. Isn’t it just cissexism, though?

It’s a subset of cissexism; one that only affects nonbinary people.

Both binary trans people and nonbinary people are affected by the belief that genitals equal gender, for example. However, binary trans people are, at least in my experience, more accepted than nonbinary people, because:

• Even if getting hormones is hard, it’s harder if you claim to be nonbinary;
• No one has to explain what a man or woman is. You usually have to explain what agender, bigender, genderflux, duragender, etc. mean, though;
• People will complain/question more about pronouns other than he or she;
• You can’t pass as nonbinary in a cissexist society. Binary trans people can, even if they need a ridiculous amount of money to do so.

I’m not saying, in any way, that binary trans people are widely accepted, or that it’s easy or easier to be a binary trans person. That’s not true.

However, I haven’t ever found someone who dismisses binary trans people as false, but think nonbinary people are valid. Just the opposite.

Of course, sometimes this is fueled by superficial beliefs about trans people; like thinking binary trans people only have this “tendency” because of hormone levels, or that they just desire another set of sexual characteristics.

Whether someone has it harder or not, it depends on a lot of stuff. A trans man might have a supportive and wealthy family and gain access to hormones and surgery easily, and a neutrois person might be refused hormones because they “seem too confused” to the doctor, and live unhappily not only because of that, but also because of the mockery they have to endure by their family and peers.

An AFAB demigirl might live without worries as she lives with her pan husband who accepts her, and doesn’t feel the need to come out to her family or on work because she uses she pronouns. A poor trans woman might have been kicked out of her previous job by coming out, and now she has to deal with the dangers of illegal sex work and the fact that she can’t take hormones regularly because she has to take Viagra at work.

There are many kinds of stories in the MOGAI community, and if you remember to take multiple intersections into account, there are a lot of possibilities. I’m not claiming nonbinary people are more or less oppressed, I’m claiming nonbinary people have problems specific to them.

Which also are not universal: not every nonbinary person has to deal with people mocking their “made up” pronouns. Not every nonbinary person wants to transition. Not every nonbinary person is uncomfortable with the label of heterosexual. Not every nonbinary person has a gender that’s hard to explain.

Anyways, some of the exorsexist bullshit might also be something binary trans people face, but usually, if something like that ends up here, it’s either because:

• I let someone else make a contribution, and they didn’t think it through;
• Nonbinary people end up being more targeted/I see more of this bullshit directed at nonbinary people (like: complaining about pronouns and different gendered terms being hard)

I’m trying my best to keep this blog focused on nonbinary issues, though.

3. But people do some of those unintentionally!

Yes. I’m not blaming individuals for those attitudes, unless they should have known better. It’s society that is constructed in such a way makes everyone get these ideas.

However, these are things me - and many other nonbinary people, apparently - find constantly irritating, and many times, we can’t say so, because the person will not think it’s too big of a deal, or because it would take too much energy to explain.

This is why this is classified as a vent blog. Here, we can mock that, say, you said you weren’t a girl and the person started treating you as a boy, and ignore that, in real life, the “right” thing would probably be gently explain that that wasn’t what you meant, or else people around you would blame you for overreacting/being disrespectful when the person obviously didn’t know about the possibility.

4. Can binary trans people be exorsexist?

Yes, and nonbinary people can be exorsexist too. A lot of people believe that you need to have body dysphoria to be trans, that you need to pursue transition to not be cis, that neurogender or xenogender people are just cis people trying to be special, and/or that “same gender attraction” is required to not identify as heterosexual, for example.

5. I’m ______, can I follow/like/reblog?

Yes. I don’t even look at follows; as long as you don’t reblog just to point out how ridiculous this blog is or some shit, you won’t be blocked.

(I tend to block a lot of bigots on sight, however.)

People need to be more aware of nonbinary erasure and other kinds of exorsexism, even in the LGBTQIAP+ community. The more people start to think about that, the better.

6. I’m not a nonbinary person; can I ask something, or submit examples of exorsexist bullshit?

As long as this blog doesn’t get flooded by basic questions, yes, you can ask stuff. (But mind you, there are more adequate blogs for that.)

And, as long as the thing you are submitting is relevant, well, it’s not like I check the blogs or anons to see if someone is not really nonbinary before posting.

7. I’m a nonbinary person, and I want to say something unrelated to the blog’s purpose

Maybe it’ll get published, but I don’t guarantee it. If it’s a question, I’ll most likely answer it, but I can’t guarantee it either. I recommend going to @lgbtqi-support-equality, @lgbtqiadvice or maybe @the-straight-whisperer; they are more adequate for general stuff, and the last two have more mods.

8. Do you accept _____ people in the LGBT+ community?

Anyone who is not cis, heterosexual*, heteromantic* and perisex should be welcomed as more than an ally. However, I respect the wishes of those who don’t want to be included in the LGBTQIAP+ community at all.

* If cis people think it’s more respectful to nonbinary people to label themselves as womasexual/masexual than heterosexual, but the attraction itself is the same, those people are still heterosexual, and not part of the community. Excluding similar cases, any orientation is not straight, including grayheterosexuals and so on.

9. Can you tag for _______?

Yes, just send an ask. Except for things this blog has by default, such as exorsexism or bullshit.

10. What about binarism/why isn’t this called binarism?

Binarism is already the intersection between exorsexism and racism. See here and here.

11. But binary trans people aren’t our oppressors! / Why was the nonbinary flag removed?

please read this

you may also be interested in this